When looking at the postpartum period or fourth trimester, we like to look at the mental health of the mother to assess for any postpartum mood disorders or red flags. Postpartum mental health is talked about a lot on social media and within the pregnancy world (let’s be real though, there’s never enough discussion on it).
Now let’s look at how often postpartum mental health is discussed in relation to the other parent/partner…
Not much.
But why not?
We want the partner involved so much during pregnancy and labor, and always hope they will be involved and supportive during postpartum. Yet we don’t often check in on how they are doing. How does that make sense?
We need to realize that although the pregnant person is the one going through labor and childbirth, the partner is too (just in a different way). A lot of partners will struggle with seeing their partner in pain without being able to take that pain away. Some partners may be traumatized by their spouse getting swept away for an emergency. Some partners may be so on cloud nine throughout the entire childbirth process that they are extremely overwhelmed when coming down from that high.
Just like a mother can be traumatized by her childbirth not going how she had invisioned, a partner can be traumatized by the experience as well. It’s important that space is held for the birthing partner to sit in their emotions and feel safe in doing so.
Some partners may be okay talking about it with their doula, some may want to talk to their partner, parent, sibling, etc. The important thing is that they talk about it. And in order to create space for them to talk about it, we need to talk about it more and not assume that the birthing partner doesn’t need help.
Simply asking “Are you okay” isn’t enough. Just like the birthing person gets a questionnaire at pediatrician appointments or OB appointments, we need to be assessing the partner with the same questions, and stop forgetting that they are a part of this.
As a doula, we are a doula for the birthing person AND for their partner, and with that, we must advocate for the mental health of the partner just as much as we advocate for the mental health of the birthing person.
Partners are going through it too. Don’t forget about them.
Yours,
Ally the Doula
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